my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
