My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
