I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
