you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
