If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
