Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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