shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
