I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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