oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
