beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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