I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
4 words: hood of his car
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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