Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
