i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
