It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
