lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
