his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
