You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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