you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
