i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
