I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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