Betty ford says i'm here all night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Mom said you looked used
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
