There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
try to milk me bitch
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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