Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Help. Why am I so naked?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
