If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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