ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
