I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
