Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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