I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
