no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love having hate sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
