I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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