i just had sex bonerless
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dicks are not precious.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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