How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
