so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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