I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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