Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
