I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
