My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
