remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
