I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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