he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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