PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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