Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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