i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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