She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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