You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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