Swine flu. Run for my life!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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