okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
