Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
