Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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