Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
